Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
try to milk me bitch
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
