first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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