Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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