does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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