Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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