I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She needs sedatives and a leash
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
