Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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