I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
