at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
