Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
