i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Less talking, more tequila
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
