My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
organizing the empties. That sober.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
