theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
