My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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