Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
