I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
