Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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