i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
