Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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