Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
