i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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