he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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