I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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