When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
