if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
