were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
