Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
