zippers are such a cool invention
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
