I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
