maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
