a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
