i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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