She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
