3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
