i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
