i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
