I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
as a side note pls kill me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
