then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
