went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
