i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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