My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize