you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
