I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
