The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
