shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
