Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
