She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
