Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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