My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
