k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
