I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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