So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
