I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
