i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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