You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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