so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
