In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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