Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
