I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
