maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
