We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
whose parrot is this?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
