She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
