Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
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I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
sex in a hospital.. check
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I still have a little drunk in my system
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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