when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
