my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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