i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
