I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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