Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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