I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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