You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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