Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
