let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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