I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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