So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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