Nicole vs. Life
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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