Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
