Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
