Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
