So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize