if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
