In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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