hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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