porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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