you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Vodka?
Forever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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