If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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