non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
