I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
